just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
