i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
