I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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