Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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