she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
