I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
