Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
