Sponge bath it is.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
