i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
