oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Drake has all the answers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
