Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
