It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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