I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Are we still banned from the library?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
