just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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