Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
