The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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