You can't motorboat a personality
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Randomize
