Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
