my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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