On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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