I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize