Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
