Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
In America we eat man semen.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
