Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can i not drive my cunt home
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
