Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
