I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He felt like a one man threesome
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
