A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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