you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
