I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
