Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
