The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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