Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
