fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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