i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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