pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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