I CAN MOONWALK!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
