Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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