You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
