Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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