just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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