what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize