i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
