I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
