Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize