Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
