My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
