There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
