I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize