my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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