i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
where does the pee come out of this thing
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
