I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
