Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
