i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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