That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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