can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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