is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
