if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
