This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
