Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
