I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
