things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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