You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
