The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
