On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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