i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
